On top of the usual cast of democrat voters (blacks, union members, trial lawyers, etc), the dems have instituted a massive get-out-the-vote which is targeting young people, the poor and homeless, as well as a secret untapped source of votes.
The young will vote for Obama since he is more “hip” than the old white-haired dude and his message is more inspirational; it’s much like a 60’s anti-establishment vote. Their votes will be based on feelings, since they have no experience and little knowledge upon which to base a reasoned vote. Get this; they really believe that Obama will do what he says he will do – poor ignorant saps. They’ll learn – but in the meantime, they’ll put the country and our way of life in jeopardy.
The homeless will vote for him because they get a brown paper bag containing a half-pint, and a Big Mac for their vote, thanks to those compassionate folks at ACORN (Association of Community Organizers for Reform Now). ACORN has a scheduled pickup at various locations around the city where they pick up the homeless and return them after voting. There have been accusations that the same people are voting daily for their booze and burger. ACORN denies this – “our bus drivers are trained specialists and keep a written count of passengers.”
And the poor will vote for him because he’s going to give them free healthcare, education, jobs, subsidized housing and transportation. Remember what George Bernard Shaw said: A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
And in addition to the aforementioned, there is Obama’s previously untapped secret source. The “FAD” voters.
Felons, Animals, and the Dead will vote for Obama because ACORN will help them with all of those pesky registration and voting requirements. After all, pets and the dead really do need assistance to vote. It really is hard to hold a pencil or pen without an opposable thumb or when one is a stiff.
ACORN has a long-standing record of participation in the voting process. The democrat party has rewarded their tireless efforts to find and register voters, regardless of species or brain functionality, with millions in grants. And by golly, they’ve earned it.
They have been instrumental in going from cell to cell and registering those forgotten citizens who have been denied representation just because they were incarcerated and couldn’t make it to a voting location. And, in a really compassionate move, they bring along cigarettes and K-Y Jelly to distribute to the voters.
Recently, ACORN announced a “Bring your dog to vote” campaign. While it was initially thought that the campaign was encouraging voters to bring along Fido or Spot when the human voted, it was later clarified that the dogs would actually be voting, with assistance from ACORN (Association of Canine Organizers for Reform Now). They have been trained as “dog whisperers” to ascertain the dog’s preference for a candidate and to aid them in voting (dog tags are an acceptable form of identification).
And as a democracy (for the time being at least), we hold dear the concepts of “one felon, one vote,” “one animal, one vote,” and “one stiff, one vote.”
Of course, an exception to the “one vote” concept prevails when an individual forgets whether they’ve voted already or not. In that case, the only fair thing to do is to let them vote again – else risk being disenfranchised. This rule-of-thumb also applies when a voter has forgotten the location of their residence. It’s only fair to let them vote again in another precinct, just to be sure.
ACORN officials tell us that it is possible that some of the voters that they’ve assisted will vote for Obama but their nonpartisan approach precludes them from keeping track of a voter’s preference. In fact, most ACORN personnel were not even familiar with the name “John McCain.”
We all owe ACORN a vote of gratitude for their tireless efforts to make sure that everyone (indeed, everything) gets to vote (early and often).
---------------- An update from Hot Air, Tue. night ---------------------------